Bah, Humbug
by OddessieLynn
Summary: It's Christmastime, and the Survey Corps are determined to get a certain shorty to celebrate with them. (with thanks to korochi707 @ tumblr)


**A/N: just a little drabble thing for the holidays :p**

"Aww, come on. The rest of us are doing it!" Hange whined, showing Levi the Santa costume.

"No, I'm not wearing that bloody costume. Now fuck off." Levi responded, giving her an irritated look.

"C'mon, I even said that you didn't have to be an elf!"

"No, no, a million times, no. I'm not dealing with any more of your Christmas shit."

It was Christmastime. Joy and laughter was in the air for all… except Levi. Apparently, he had never celebrated Christmas during his thug days, and ever since joining the Scouting Legion, no one—not even Erwin—had been able to get him into the holiday mood. Each year, while everyone else was putting up mistletoe and singing carols, the poor clean freak had spent every spare second complaining about how much work the cleanup would take. It wasn't that no one ever tried to lighten up the Corporal—it was just that they had all failed.

This year, however, the new recruits were determined to get Levi to celebrate with them, especially Eren.

"I don't care if he kicks me; I'm going to convince him that Christmas is just as fucking important as anything else!" Eren had shouted during dinner. His eyes were lit with a smoldering green fire, the same blaze as the one he had when yelling about 'killing every last one of them'.

An awkward silence fell upon the mess hall, everyone staring at Eren.

"W-Well, it's nice to hear you're not yelling about Titans anymore…" Armin said weakly.

Hange immediately followed up with,

"Now that's the spirit!"

Just then, Levi walked into the room, unnoticed because of his height, while everyone began cheering and planning different Christmas activities for the Corporal. He took one look at his fellow squad members, who were all drawing pictures of mistletoe in their spilled soup, making Christmas Titan sculptures out of their mashed potatoes, and promptly left. He didn't have a clue about what they were doing, but it sure was messy, and not to mention unhygienic.

The results of the planning were shown on the week before Christmas Eve. Petra cooked a huge feast one night, and everyone but Levi enjoyed it, as it seemed.

"Cheers, everybody!" Hange said enthusiastically.

"Cheers!" Everybody responded, while the Corporal sat at the end of the table with his arms crossed and a 'what is the fucking point of this' expression on his face.

After the feast, the Scouting Legion formed a group huddle once they were sure Levi was gone.

"Well, that didn't work out." Petra whispered, looking a little disappointed.

"Okay, time for Plan B." Hange whispered back.

"What is it?"

"Sasha, Connie, and Armin. How do you feel about singing carols?"

With Hange's strict orders to sing only joyous Christmas songs, the threesome set out the next day with unhappy looks on their faces. Going around to each and every barrack, room and meeting place, they sang songs like 'We Wish You a Merry Expedition' and 'The Armored Titan's Comin' to Town'. Meanwhile, Hange hung decorations around the castle, which terrified most of the Scouting Legion due to the excessive amount of mistletoe. Eren, as always, was the most determined, even if he couldn't really contribute. He tried his best, and just the thought of it amused the other Scouting Legion members. They all knew how cute Eren's pout was, especially when he was with the Corporal.

"L-Levi-heichou!"

"What is it, brat?"

"I-I was wondering if you would help us decorate the Christmas Titan…"

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"What if I cleaned every room in the castle to your standards?"

"In your shitty dreams, Yeager."

"What if I became your personal servant for a week?"

"Don't even fucking think about it."

Eren pouted, and the rest of the Scouting Legion—who had been hiding behind a wall—let out a sigh. Eren's pouty face was just too adorable; they had risked their lives to see it, after all. If Levi noticed them, they would all be dead.

Unfortunately, he noticed them.

"What the hell?"

The Corporal rounded the corner just in time to see a dozen soldiers bolt off in the opposite direction, squealing things like, "That was so worth it," and "Oh-my-Titans we've got to see it again."

"Tch. A whole fucking Legion of idiots."

Eren, who was extremely bewildered at this point, made his Confuzzled Face at Levi. Even Humanity's Strongest couldn't stand it, and Levi grudgingly accepted Eren's requests. Great. Now he had to not only keep up with his own schedule, but decorate the stupid Christmas Titan too.

Hange, being the incredible crazy and observant person she was, concluded that Eren's Pouty Face and Confuzzled Face would be the Scouting Legion's new secret weapon against the Corporal. She formulated a 'Battle Strategy' for the next day. This time, they would try to get Levi to participate in the Secret Santa gift exchange, an idea proposed by Commander Erwin himself.

"Oi, Levi-heichou. Will you…er…"

"What?"

"Will you do the Secret Santa exchange with us?" Eren glanced away awkwardly.

"What kind of stupid idea is that? I'm already helping you with the damn Christmas Titan, what more do you little shits want?"

"But…"

"Forget it."

Hiding behind the wall Eren was standing with his back to, Hange whispered,

"Eren, use Pouty Face!"

_Pouty Face activate!_

"But heichou…" Eren pleaded with a pout. "Please?"

This time, it was Levi's turn to glance away awkwardly.

"You brat…"

"Pretty please with a potato on top?"

"Fine."

Behind the wall, Hange smiled. Levi was being more compliant than anyone ever would have thought. _It's all thanks to Eren. Maybe our Corporal will finally know what being with friends is like, for once._

A silent decision was made among the Scouting Legion: they would get Levi a thoughtful gift, worthy of his contribution to humanity. After all, the poor soul had spent the last ten years receiving spray bottles, mops, dusters and handkerchiefs for Christmas. Of course, there was one condition. Levi would have to be Santa, as requested by Hange.

And as it was, he wasn't exactly taking kindly to her idea of dressing up.

"What if I got all the cleaning gear you wanted?" Hange asked.

"You can't afford it."

"What if I stopped talking about Titans for a month?"

"Impossible."

"Good point. What if we kept this place clean to your standards for the next week?"

"Are you trying to copy what the brat did?"

"Oh, so you think we can't do it, eh?"

"You guys can't even keep your rooms clean, much less the entire castle."

"Is that a bet?" Hange dared, a huge grin widening on her face.

"What would I get out of it?"

"How about a new Swiffer 360?"

"You're on." The Swiffer 360 was a dream cleaning product. There was no way Levi would pass up the chance to get one.

"I'll make sure to get it in your size." Hange added, darting of to find the others before Levi could respond.

At first, the rest of the Scouting Legion didn't take to the news well, especially Eren. He knew about the amount of rubbish in his recently acquired room. However, he would do anything for the Corporal, and was determined to succeed in getting him into the jolly mood. Eren decided not to mention how messy his room was.

Hange ordered all of the members of the Legion to inspect every single barrack, and in desperate situations like this, even the Commander had to listen to Hange. And so, the cleaning mission of the century began. Everything was looking hopeful; even Sasha's room wasn't completely submerged in food.

That is, until they hit Eren's room.

Messy clothes, bits of food, and other things poured out the minute the door was opened—surprising everyone, except for Mikasa and Armin.

_ So this was why Levi was so confident, _they all thought.

Hange analyzed the situation quickly.

"Squad Levi, you are assigned to the cleaning of Eren's room. Got that?"

She assumed that, since they were the elite squad, they would be able to get things done faster than the normal squads. A few minutes into the operation, it was clear that this was not true.

"Hey, Petra, what do we do with dead birds?"

"Hey, Petra, what do we do with bread crusts?"

"Hey, Petra, what do we do with dirty clothes?"

"Hey, Petra, what do we do with dried blood?"

"Hey, Petra, what do we do with—"

"ARE YOU GUYS ASKING ME JUST BECAUSE I'M THE ONLY GIRL IN THIS GROUP?!"

Thus, Hange changed her 'Battle Strategy' and assigned more than half of the Legion to 'Eren Room Cleaning Duty', while the rest were charged with cleaning the rest of the castle. The amount of lost items recovered from Eren's room was by the wagon full; from missing equipment, old cutlery, and even some jewelry. On that day, Eren was also assigned a 'bodyguard' for the rest of the week to make sure he didn't make his room too messy; the result would involve the Legion having to fork over tons of money for a cleaning device (a.k.a the Swiffer 360).

When Christmas Day came, all hardships were forgotten as gifts were exchanged, and the poor souls who had been sentenced by Hange came out in their costumes. Jean and Marco ended up having to perform a scene of Jesus's birth. Jean played a horse, and Marco played Jesus. Eren was forced to wear an old reindeer sweater and antlers. Hange had adorned his costume with a collar, and Eren didn't dare question where it had come from. Armin had to dress up as an elf, and Mikasa as an angel. But altogether, the crowning moment of the night was when Levi came out in his Santa outfit, beard and all.

"Ho, ho, ho, you brats. Now hand me some of those cookies. It took me forever to get this on and I'm starving." Levi rolled his eyes as he spoke.

Chuckling, Eren handed the older male a tray with an assortment of cookies. A couple of cameras were caught taking pictures as Levi Claus nibbled angrily on an innocent elf cookie. The laughing continued until they sat around the Christmas Titan (courtesy of Sasha and Connie) and began the Secret Santa present revealing. Eren received a sweater knitted by Mikasa, who gave an embarrassed smile when Eren complimented her on its workmanship. Eren had been Jean's Secret Santa, and had gotten him a horse mask, which Jean grudgingly wore with the rest of his horse costume due to everyone's constant pestering. Jean had gotten Sasha a cook book, and she had gotten Connie a hat. Connie's gift was a notebook for Hange, and he had even taken the time to draw a Colossal Titan on the cover.

Erwin had gotten Marco a 50% off coupon for everything in a local store. He was going to apologize for getting him a shitty gift, but as it turned out, it was Marco's favorite store. Marco had somehow gotten Armin an old Christmas book called _How the Grinch Stole Christmas_. For the rest of the night, comparisons between Levi and the Grinch were dropped constantly.

Armin's gift to Petra was a white dress.

"Armin, aren't you moving too fast? Have a date with the girl before you ask her to marry you." Erwin said, causing both Petra and Armin to blush.

Once there seemed to be no more gifts left to open, Levi spoke up.

"We're done right? I don't want to wear this piece of shit any longer then needed." He asked, pulling at the collar of his costume.

"No, there's still one more present in the back. Can you grab it?" Hange said with a broad smile.

Levi sighed, heading back behind the Christmas Titan and pulling out a long, slender gift marked '_For Levi'_ on the tag.

Levi's gaze wandered the room as he opened the gift, trying to pinpoint the giver. Inside the box was…

A Swiffer 360.

"Who?" Levi asked softly, causing everyone to smile.

"Merry Christmas, Levi!" They all, said grinning.

"Dumb brats." Levi muttered as he got up and left the room.

"Now I can't wait 'till New Years!" he heard Hange exclaim once he was out the door.

"That shitty four-eyes."

**With thanks to Korochi (korochi707 tumblr) for the idea **

**Reviews not expected, but would be greatly appreciated!**


End file.
